URGH!

I MISS YOU!

I can't help but think how easy it must be for the people I left, I mean...I left my mum, my brother and my home for three weeks, and joined another family...new surroundings, new people, new everything. I remember that feeling of genuine fear as I got off the aeroplane. I just wanted to cry, but I did it, and for three weeks I had the time of my life. All the people, all the sounds, all the smells everything, and then suddenly, I'm ripped away from the person who changed me, from the people who I love so so much and taken home.

It was then, when I first felt what it was like to genuinely have your heart broken, and it wasn't through some one's selfishness, or of an malicious manner, it was because I love those people so so much, and I know that it's a six hour flight, £300 and a hell of a lot of time off work is needed to go and see them.

I was ripped away from that bubble I was in and put on an aeroplane, and there, when the noise of the house, of the roads and of the people was gone, was when I realized the amazing people I'd just left. And it was just me, that makes it so much harder, no one who I'm close to is here for me to share my memories with, because they didn't see it, they didn't experience it, and they didn't meet that guy. They didn't see what happened to me, how I'd changed, and now I'm back, they keep saying they want Jen back, but I am Jen, this is me. I'm different.

But for them, they left me, then they went home, back to the surroundings that they didn't leave, with everyone except for me. Surely it was easier for them? I hate how we can't share anything anymore, how we can't go on random trips to spend time together.

I miss waking up to the sound of the A.C, i miss waking up to the sound of someone opening the DAMN BATHROOM DOOR! I miss opening the shutters and being blinded by the sun, going on the balcony to have those chats, being the first one to check their facebook in the morning, teasing Salma (my cousin), making her wait two hours whilst I have my nails done, watching Sara have her hair done; and being jealous of her insane beauty, whilst I sit there hiding behind my make up and the fake smile that only he could see through. I miss the arguments, not mine, but there's, I don't know why. I just miss them. SO MUCH. and it hurts. It hurts that I have to come online to communicate with them, that it's so expensive to talk on the phone and that letters cost too much and take too long to send.

This probably gives you the impression that all I do is complain, I don't.

here's what I enjoyed about Egypt.

waking up to Saeed whispering "good morning Jefrexx, my daughter", walking into the lounge to see one of the kids zonked out on the sofa, smelling Nana cooking/setting fire to the bread, fighting with the girls over who gets to use the fast laptop, getting the Jonas Brothers stuck in my head, random visits to Starbucks, rolling my eyes over Sara; "omg why don't we go..." " NO SARA"!, being force fed BN's and chocolate so I'd be happy, when really I was so happy that if I showed it, I'd look like a Cheshire cat :P, NAMA BAY <3>

Just being with the people, made me so happy, just hearing their voices, and smelling their smells, walking into a shower of Vera Wang princess perfume after Sara had walked out of the house. Shouting "HELLO" at all the random men who said stuff to me. Burping just to see the look on Salma's face and to hear her say "ewww Jen you're so vulgar". I could go on for hours, for days, maybe even months talking about how amazing it was. Now I'm back home, in the cold, in the rain and in a place were I really don't want to be right now, and I feel bad because I'm not the same person that I was when I left, and I don't want to be that person again.

But Sara and I have a plan!!!

August is going to be AMAZING!

it will be, I'm working so I'll have money $$ and I'm going to soul survivor, a place where 10 000 other Christians go to worship for a week...I missed God when I was away, I felt awkward praying in a place where another religion was being practiced. It was hard, very hard. It was hard not being able to express myself properly, I had so much anger. SO MUCH ANGER, i got home and screamed, and screamed and screamed some more. I guess I was harbouring that in even before I left.

WOW I REALLY DID WRITE AN ESSAY!!

this blog, and this particular post is for all of the people I met in Egypt, for all my cousins to read, whenever they want, whenever they feel comfortable. So they can see how I feel, how I felt and how much I LOVE THEM :)