Sunday, 8 November 2009


memories are to look back on, smile, appreciate the good and allow it to give hope for the future.. not to be dwelled on too long or they have the tendency to try creep into the present...& make you sad instead. There is a reason they are called memories..otherwise the present will pass by and the future will never get a chance...

Friday, 28 August 2009

Do you remember....

When I arrived, and I admitted I only ate,
ceaser salad and pasta.

When I was amazed at the Falouka and sat on the balcony
and just watched them all go by.

When Hamoudi and I discovered the balcony,
and you me and him sat there for about four
hours discussing life.
When we went to Starbucks at 7am, and
that guy followed us home?

When Pete and I used to argue, and
your grandma STILL thought we were brother
and sister.

The booty dance, hamoudi's booty dance,
that I missed because I was so drunk I collapsed on
my bed.

When me, you, Pete and Hamoudi
tried to sleep in a bed, and failed?
When we had that redbull shisha?
When you, you know ;)

THE PYRAMIDS, when I cried,

Our AMAZING roadtrips, when Salma
nearly killed us, and me you and moodi
were unaware of our ever nearing fate,
because we were eating BN's!
When you and I snuck in to on the run
and bought loads of red bull, and no one knew.
On Sudi's birthday, when we emptied
on the run's supply of sweets for his present,
and still managed to buy red bull.

TRUTH OR DARE; on the falouka :|
bad times or what?

Our silly amounts of falouka rides, shisha
and cigarettes.

On the beach, when I got really sun burnt,
playing have you ever, and me and you had
no fingers left.

Our boob walk around Sharm,
the birthday cake that Pete never ate.

I miss how you and I used to chat about absolutely everything, how our chats always used to happen with a cup of coffee in one had and a cigarette in the other. How when we used to argue we used to forget that we were then make jokes. I miss waking up in the morning, and hearing your voice, I miss our balcony chats, out boob walk and the chicken dance, I miss making fun of Hamoudi's aunts' dance.
I miss Sequoia, when they had no ceaser salad, and Lucilles, where they also had no ceaser salad. I miss the noise, the hustle and bustle of your house.

I love you!

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Happy Birthday, to my beautiful cousin!

Happy Birthday, beautiful.
You deserve to be the most spoilt, happiest girl today, after the year you've had.

Sending you birthday wishes, and hugs, and kisses 6,000 miles away, in England!


Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birthday my dear friend
Because you have lived am better.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

I never meant to hurt you...

"this is what we used to be, this is what it's meant to be"

Family; RELATED PEOPLE [group] a group of people who are related to each other, such as a mother, a father, and their children

Sunday, 9 August 2009

I miss you

somethings missing?
I hate this, when you've missed someone so much, like so much it hurts, ever had that feeling? You put all your heart, all your soul and all the willpower you have left inside you into moving on. You do it, and you finally start to feel happy again, and they just walk back in, and say the things they used to say, and do the things they used to do, they wear the same clothes, smell the same, look the same...and all the hard work goes, and you're left, absolutely heartbroken again, because you're so in love with that person, and you want things to go back to how they were.
Deep down, you know, that things will never go back, because they were never really there. You know that all the things he said were a lie, and all the things he did were wrong, but you can't help but love him.
You tell your heart to move on and your head to let go but your feet stay firmly rooted to that spot, and you're screaming and shouting, tears streaming down your face and you're secretly wishing him to walk through the door and scoop you up in his arms and tell you everythings going to be okay.

love hurts...
and you want it to go back, like so much? and your friends don't understand, and your best friend is his best friend, and well...all your friends are his friends. and he moves on, and then leaves you there, making you look stupid. You find yourself thinking about him, all the time, and then talking about them. Then people realise and you look like an idiot because then they all tease you.

Friday, 7 August 2009

you tell me

"In order to gain someones respect you have to respect them also."
You see, everyone in this world wants to be treated like an adult, I do, everyone does. It's the most patronising thing to be constantly treated like you're five years old.
Like others I got taught to "treat people how you'd want to be treated" by my parents, I did have problems when I was younger, I got bullied, but then I grew up, and realised there was no point in cowering in a corner pretending to be innocent, I gave as good as I got, and I got my reputation back. I was NEVER a bully, and I will always stick to that. Bullies, in my eyes are insecure, emotionally unstable people. I know a few, but to be honest, I don't hate them, I feel sorry for them.
I was always very lucky in my upbringing, my parents came from very strict backgrounds and were both taught to work for what they wanted, both parents were in the RAF for a number of years, thus making them good employees in the fut
ure, my dad then went on to be a bank manager and my mum his P.A.
I was spoilt, I always got what I wanted, much to my mothers dismay. Then, seven years ago, on the 4th July my father was ripped away from me. I remember those words my mother had to say to me "Jennifer, I'm sorry but daddy's gone to h
eaven." That was the most hardest, most heartbreaking time of my life, I was nine years old and was definatly a daddy's girl.
Seven years on, I'm 16, my mum has worked as hard as she possible can, and we have the life we want, we have worries, and troubles, but so does everyone, but we work through it, as a family.
I remember, one of my CWO's chats to us about respect, his words were; "In order to gain someones respect you have to respect them also." he was right, there's no point doing you utmost to repsect someone when they just treat you like rubbish, some people need to learn that, and I'm just grateful that I learnt that at 16 and not later on. It's hard at times, no to go mental, I admit I have a temper, a very bad one at times, but it takes a lot to anger me, if I'm angry I go quiet, and if someone REALLY upsets me I shout, and a lot of other people do as well.
When I went to Egypt, it was a real eye opener, my cousin sara and I are both daddy's girls, Sara was closer to her Grandad Said, and when he died, she experienced some of the same feelings I did when my father died. I went to Egypt with Pete, my cousin, he's my uncles son, who died when I was ten, I felt that Pete and I could bond through this, evidently not, for the whole holiday we fought, when we got back we fought and the only way to stop this was to completely remove him from my life, I had no say in this decision, and it breaks my heart to have had to do it, but there are people in my life who have been there for me through all my hard times and those people are the ones that really matter.
Don't get me wrong, I love Pete, he's my family, and I hate how we argue, but sometimes it's for the best, and for the benefit for the rest of the family that some people cut all ties. It was hard for me to do, but it had to be done. I'll say no more on the subject.
My family are a close knit family, although my brother and I fight, we still love eachother, if one of us is in trouble we're there for eachother, my mum and I are close, and have grown closer since my father died. We argue, but we love eachother, that's all that matters.
One thing that my mother always taught me is "to treat people how you'd like to be treated" and still to this day I do. However, if someone is rude to me, calls me something horrible or generally treats me like a child then I give as good as I get, and I'm not afraid to say that.
I got told once, that "you're 16, you're too young to have an oppinion". An age is just a number, your maturity affects your real age. That's what I think, and so I don't appreciate being told that.

My trip to Egypt changed me, there was one person who definatly changed my views on things. Chatting with him made me realise that I should have more faith in myself, I knew things he didn't, in a non patronising way he asked me questions and made me feel wanted. Through our chats, and the time we spent together we formed a friendship which, I hope will last a long time.
My time in Egypt is a time I'll never forget, and the arguments, and the lies are just that persons way of saying he's jelous.

this picture represents the four cousins; the one's that love eachother the most <3

Thursday, 6 August 2009


Today, the person who means the most to me, told me what I was really like. The moment I read the message, I knew, that to salvage whatever remains of a friendship that we had left, I'd have to change.
I wanted some advice, so I spoke to my mum, "it will never work you live too far away", I have a hope, that maybe, we can remain friends until I'm old enough. It seems wierd, I'm 16 and I wish wish WISH that I was older, I'm fed up of being treated like a 5 year old.
When I first realised my feelings, I prayed, a lot. I couldn't make sense of how I was feeling, I'd never felt this way, and I didn't know if I liked it or not. Now I wish that I'd embraced the situation more, I did like him, and now Im back he seems distant and seems to have forgotten about me.
Every moment I shared with him I treasured and I long to have those moments again. So this is it, NEW ME!
no more lies
no more gossip
no more 16 year old Jen.